It took me two reads of the first paragraph to understand what the writer was trying to say. On first read I thought everyone in the court room was 17 years old (note the absence of hyphens). On second read, after also reading the next two paragraphs, I realized that everyone in the court room was 17 years older (note, again, the absence of hyphens). But wait, the victim is also in the court room but is not 17 years older. Is it because she was given some eternal-youth potion and will forever remain 25? No, it's because she is in a coffin in a cemetery. So then the except the victim bit isn't true because she's not actually in the courtroom. What an utterly ridiculous first paragraph. From "No 'faint hope' for murdered grad student" on Canoe online on January 21, 2011.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Not a good start
It took me two reads of the first paragraph to understand what the writer was trying to say. On first read I thought everyone in the court room was 17 years old (note the absence of hyphens). On second read, after also reading the next two paragraphs, I realized that everyone in the court room was 17 years older (note, again, the absence of hyphens). But wait, the victim is also in the court room but is not 17 years older. Is it because she was given some eternal-youth potion and will forever remain 25? No, it's because she is in a coffin in a cemetery. So then the except the victim bit isn't true because she's not actually in the courtroom. What an utterly ridiculous first paragraph. From "No 'faint hope' for murdered grad student" on Canoe online on January 21, 2011.
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1 comment:
That's some of the worst writing I've ever read (and I read bad stuff every day). I love the "17 years dead" and wonder if her hometown is Clifford or if Clifford is the name of the cemetery in her hometown. Ugly, awkward, clumsy writing.
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